At this point, I should state that I am still feeling uncomfortable with the words "Blog", "Blogging", "Blogger" and indeed all words related. I don't like the way they sound. They offend my ears. I don't know if it is the "Bl" part, or the "og" part. I think it may be that singularly, neither of those sounds appeal to me and then when you actually put them together - the result is doubly unappealing. Therefore, I have decided to invent a new word.... "blant". I have checked with the Oxford Dictionary and no such word exists up until now. So there you now have it. Blant. A new type of internet posting. A cross between a blog and a rant.This is now going to be "my blant" - rather than "my blog". Whilst writing on it I shall be "blanting" and thus I shall now be a "blanter", and you dear readers shall be "blantees" (not sure about that last one?) Now I can indulge in some delusionary fantasies about how in ten years from now, blant shall have passed into mainstream culture and be listed in the Oxford English just after blankety and inbetween blanquette and Blantyre. Hah!
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| Mmmm. Look what Tarquin made for elevenses |
Anyway, so, there I was last night, cerebellum drizzling possible subject matter for my blant (see it's catching on already) when I was inspired by another blog that I have been introduced to: http://www.nonworkingmonkey.com/ (very funny. I suggest you take a look, especially at the series of cartoons about "Bad Boss". ) In a flash of inspiration, I decided to produce a series of parenting infomercials about how to be a Perfect Parent. I should mention here (as those of you that know me are probably already laughing maniacally at the audacity that I can allude to being anything near a perfect parent) that despite reading all of the parenting books, listening to all of the hypnosis tapes, going to all of the NCT meetings, attending endless decaf mornings at various homes of the local "knit your own museli" brigade and eating lots of homemade- homeopathic- gluten free- wheat free- sugar free - dairy free- taste free -tofu cakes, 13 years on, I still struggle every day to be the best parent that I can. Then every night, I still worry about whether I have got it right, or anything near approaching right. However, I do try very, very hard. And that's gotta be worth something, right?
Occasionally, friends of mine who entered into parenthood later than I did and thus currently have pre-teen children, raise alarmed eyebrows and try to hide their shocked faces by glancing smuggly and surrepticiously at each other whilst I regail them of the latest household escapades resulting from my attempt to exert some form of what looks like effective parenting over my beautiful, witty, wise, highly intelligent, strong willed and very tall 13 year old daughter. However, these same friends, I know, will be knocking at my doors of wisdom in about 8 years time when I will have by then passed through trials of the terrible teenage years and be on the home straight to that's the last box of your stuff from out of the loft, bye and let me know when I have grandchildren celebration party.
So, in order that I remember some of the excellent (!) parenting that I have done in the last 13 years (mostly on my own - but that's another blant for another time) I give you " Teach them to be Responsible"- the first of the "Perfect Parenting" series - a collection of short infomercials about how make sure that your children grow up. (I was going to put here ......grow up to be well adjusted, well equipped, happy and successful. However, I think that's stretching hope a little bit too much.)
There will be a short pause at this point where I finish editing, do some housework, work out how to publish the first infomercial and make some Saturday morning pancakes.......
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